I'm tired

If the sleep gods are reading, I would like to lodge my complaint at getting two babies in a row who can't seem to sleep worth a darn. What have I done to anger you??? I know -- it was probably complaining about Alyssa as a baby, when I didn't know how good I had it. Hmph.

Lucas fights sleep like crazy. During the day, at night, it doesn't matter. I don't want him to cry, but it doesn't matter what I do, he cries anyway. And kicks and screams.

We've gotten into a bad habit of holding him half the night and then putting him in our bed. Not an ideal situation. I pretty much get no sleep when I try to hold him, but Jeff will do it. And I don't sleep all that great when he's in bed between me and Jeff, I just can't get comfortable.

He still wakes up at night to eat. I have to get up and sit on the couch because for several reasons I've never managed to work out how to nurse lying down. I don't mind feeding him if he's hungry (which he really does seem to be), but when he falls asleep after he's done, but then refuses to sleep in his crib, I get angry. I also don't want him waking up the other kids at 2 or 3 or 4 a.m., so he ends up in bed with us where we can keep flipping him over or putting the pacifier in his mouth, anything to get him to stay asleep. And then Jeff has to get up for work at 5:30 and wakes him up anyway.

Then there are naps. He fights for such a long time whether we're rocking or I just put him in his crib or whatever. At some point he will usually fall asleep (it sometimes takes literally an hour before this happens) and then will sleep for 30 minutes at the most. Then he wakes up and is sooo grouchy because he's still tired! And if there is the slightest noise, he can't even make it to 30 minutes. An hour nap once a day would be great, a two hour one would be heavenly, for all of us.

Every time I come up with a little trick that helps to either get him to sleep or to stay asleep, it works for about 2 days until he figures it out.

So you add all this together and I am tired. And a grouchy, mean, bitchy mom and wife. I snap at everyone. I get absolutely nothing accomplished because I'm constantly trying to get him to sleep or I'm holding him while he sleeps because he desperately needs the rest. I try to remember that this too shall pass. But it didn't "pass" for Brendan until he was 4 years old and even now things are a little iffy. I am tired.